Brother And Sister Craig - An Unconverted, Self-Centered, Granite-Willed, Wife

Ellen G. White

Introduction

In the excerpts that follow, you will read of the sad marriage of Brother and Sister Craig. He was a godly leader of a mission endeavor, but she was an unconverted, self-centered, granite-willed, individual who insisted on having her way and whims. As a result she was manifesting a terrible witness to the others at the mission. Ellen White accordingly counseled Brother Craig to send his wife home to her mother for at least a year. Failure to do so would undoubtedly result in his own spiritual demise. These letters serve as a warning what happens when God's will is not sought when choosing a marriage partner.

First Letter To Brother And Sister Craig

Craig, Brother and Sister (Lt10-1889)

Chicago, Illinois

April 2, 1889

Dear Brother and Sister Craig:

Since coming to this mission, I recognize your countenances and have somewhat to say to you. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 1}

The marriage relation is a solemn, sacred one, yet it is too often entered upon without due consideration. The influence of the wife over the husband is powerful for either good or evil. Many a man can date his success or failure in life from his marriage day. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 2}

In the companionship of a true, unselfish woman, the husband finds peace and happiness, forgetting the cares of the world. But if the one whom he has chosen to stand by his side is self-centered, caring for no one or nothing but herself, requiring his time and attention to be constantly devoted to her and yet ignorant of her own duties as a wife and incapable of appreciating his efforts and sympathizing with them, the happiness of the home will be blighted. The wife will be miserable herself, and however well the husband may be qualified to be priest of the household, however energetic and unselfish, she too often lays the foundation for his ruin. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 3}

I have been shown men of grand and generous impulses who were transformed through the influence of women of a narrow, selfish nature. Such women have no love for noble, spiritual things. They strive only to please themselves, and make everyone else please them too. They have an imbecile love of self-gratification, and to their mind the grand motive of duty has no force. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 4}

Love is a tender plant and must be cultivated in order to flourish. A man’s love may be sacredly bestowed; but if it is not sacredly appreciated and reciprocated, it will die a natural death. When the wife feels that it is her prerogative to assume control over her husband, to force him to humor all her fancies, her likes and dislikes, her choice or rejection of things, he becomes no more than a plaything in her hands. All that is holy in the marriage relation is gradually obliterated, and the union becomes a yoke of bondage grievous to be borne. It is galling to the neck of the husband and finally becomes so to the wife. But if the husband possesses pure, manly traits of character, if he is industrious, ambitious, and honest, one who loves and fears God, he will not consent to be a slave to his wife’s caprices. If the wife is selfish, lacking in womanly traits, neither amiable nor self-denying, may the Lord help them, for life will be a woeful disappointment. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 5}

The moral character of those united in marriage is either elevated or degraded by their association, and the work of deterioration accomplished by a low, deceptive, selfish, uncontrollable nature is begun soon after the marriage ceremony. If the young man makes a wise choice, he may have one to stand by his side who will bear to the utmost of her ability her share of the burdens of life, who will ennoble and refine him and make him happy in her love. But if the wife is fitful in character, self-admiring, exacting, accusing, charging her husband with motives and feelings that originate only in her own perverted temperament; if she has not discernment and nice discrimination to recognize his love and appreciate it but talks of neglect and lack of love because he does not gratify every whim, she will almost inevitably bring about the very state of things she seems to deplore; she will make all these accusations realities. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 6}

The enemy has been, and still is, exercising his power through Sister Craig, and there is danger that her unconsecrated course will have such a deteriorating influence upon her husband that he will be led to view things in a wrong light and will finally have to separate from the work of God. Had he, before marriage, understood the character and disposition of her whom he made his wife, he would not have taken the step he did. She has a pretty face, but her heart is wilful and perverse. I was sorry to look upon a face so deceptive. Oh, that I might speak some words that would break Satan’s power, for she is now taking a course that will make her husband and herself very unhappy. She has a will that has never been controlled or guided. Her mother neglected duty, and the mother’s neglect will ruin the daughter unless she submits herself to God, so that His convicting spirit may show her how wicked is the spirit she is manifesting. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 7}

Satan works through this woman. She makes herself and others believe that her husband does not have sympathy for her. She imagines him to be a tyrant because he does not accede to all her whims and caprices. She also makes him think that those in the mission do not sympathize with her. This, she says, affects her health, but I was shown that if she does not subdue her rebellious spirit, her health will be more decidedly affected, for now, when her will is crossed, she is really insane. It is possible for her to prevent all this. If she could control her will and ways just before marriage, she can do it now. Should her husband encourage her complaints and outbursts of temper, he would be doing the very thing that has made her what she is. And by so doing, he would tacitly admit that her troubles were real and not deceptions. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 8}

...

Sister Craig, who is nothing but a child in experience, has ruled at home, and will attempt to do so here. She does not know her place. She will talk against her husband and against Brother and Sister Starr. Bold, defiant, and presumptuous, she will order dictate, and accuse, and her words will have an influence upon those in the mission who do not have clear discernment. Her constant talking, presenting things in her unsanctified way, will have a great effect upon her husband. Satan can work through Sister Craig to keep things in a constant turmoil. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 13}

Shall he be permitted to do this? No! If Sister Craig is not converted, she must not remain in the mission. Her place is with her mother who has indulged and petted her, and allowed her to control everything at home. Just so long as she is unconverted, just so long as she is a willing agent of Satan, there will be perpetual conflict, and this, Brother Craig cannot always endure. Satan uses the elements of her character to destroy his peace of mind, subvert his faith, and unsettle his confidence in his brethren. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 14}

Should he be separated from her, for one year at least, leaving her in her mother’s house, it would [be] far better for him and would give her a more favorable opportunity to develop a right character. He would then be out from under her direct influence, where she could not exercise her power over him to drive him to desperation. His presence, the supposed ownership she has in him, leads her to try every possible device to do—what? She could not, for her life, tell what she wants to do, only to make her husband regard her as the supreme object of his thoughts and affections, to worship her before his Creator; he must heed her every suggestion, yield to every impulse of her uncontrolled nature. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 15}

Will you, Brother Craig, debase your God-given manhood, sacrifice your self-respect, your honesty, your fidelity, and lose the confidence of your brethren to gratify the whim of one whom Satan uses to scourge, to afflict, and destroy? Her work is to deprave human nature. Unless she places her will under the control of God and He pours His converting grace into her rebellious soul, she will make no attempt to oppose Satan but will be his willing agent against all good. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 16}

God alone can put a new principle into the heart so that the conflict, which has been against those whom God would use as His servants, will be turned against Satan. If this principle is in her heart, she will see that she must resist her feelings and control her words and actions. If she will take her rightful place in the family, acknowledging the position that God has given the husband as head of the household even as Christ is head of the church, then she may become a child of God. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 17}

The work now, Brother Craig, is to take your stand against these satanic agencies that have been set in operation to rob God of your powers and services. God has given you a work to do, and He would have you lovingly and unitedly laboring with those whom He has chosen to carry on His work and building up His cause. He wants you to have your whole interest in this work. You cannot help your wife to reach a better life by allowing her to lessen your interest in the spiritual prosperity of the mission. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 18}

What power is to obtain the victory? Shall Satan gain the victory? No. Put your wife under the guardianship of her parents; let her go home to the mother who has not educated and trained her to obedience. May the Lord give you strength to take your stand for the right, for liberty, for freedom. {Lt 10, 1889, par. 19}

 

Additional Paragraphs From Two Other Letters That Were Sent To Him

Second Letter To Brother Craig

Craig, Brother (Lt34-1890)

Chicago, Illinois
March 23, 1890

...

She feels under no obligation to love and obey her husband or to yield to the authority of God. She does not know what true love is. She has not been educated to self-control. Her life experience and education have been such as to disqualify her for the position of a wife. {Lt34-1890.}

She is a terrible burden to her husband, for she does not try to make herself useful or bear her share of life’s responsibilities. If she would reason, she would see how unjust it is for her to expect him to labor for her support, while she gives herself up to annoy, perplex, and harass him. She adds nothing to the family income, yet thinks it her privilege to spend as she pleases. At the same time she feels at liberty to give way to her feelings like a spoiled child, taking offense at nothing, and indulging in outbursts of passion, until life is a burden to him. When away from her husband she is cheerful, and appears to be well, as long as she can have her own way. When she wants to do a thing, she can endure what many women would think a heavy tax upon their physical powers. But when desired to do anything which is distasteful to her, she assumes the air of a martyr, and is incapable of any exertion. Much of her illness is feigned, in order to create a sensation. She is angry with her husband because she cannot make him submit to her control, because he has tried to preserve his identity and not yield up his God-given manhood. {Lt34-1890.}

She thinks that every one must do as her mother and others have done—indulge her and consult her wishes; and she is determined to bring them to it. Should her husband yield to her, he would lose his manhood; and should those whom God has placed over the Chicago mission pet her and gratify her wishes, they would be unfaithful to their trust.

...

 

I have seen but few persons so successful in making self the center of attraction when there was so little sweet, noble, genuine attractiveness in the character. But unless she changes her course, this acting for effect, this desperate maneuvering to force the attention of her husband and gain his sympathy, will finally be repeated once too many times, and God will give her fully into the hands of Satan. {Lt34-1890.}

Unless there is a change, a time will come soon when this lower nature in the wife, controlled by a will as strong as steel, will bring down the strong will of the husband to her own low level. His will would then be merged in that of the impulsive, inconsistent, insane wife. He would no longer be a man, for the satanic mold upon the character of the wife would be upon him also. His sympathies would no longer be pure and uncorrupted, like fine gold, but they would be deteriorated. His energies would be enfeebled, his life distorted. {Lt34-1890.}

...

His best course with this child-wife, so over-bearing, so unyielding, and so uncontrollable, is to take her home and leave her with the mother who has made her what she is. Though it must be painful, this is the only thing for him to do, if he would not be ruined spiritually, sacrificed to the demon of hysterics and satanic imaginings. Satan takes entire control of her temper and will, and uses them like desolating hail to beat down every obstruction. Her husband can do her no good, but is doing himself incalculable harm and robbing God of the talents and influence He has given. {Lt34-1890.}

God has placed the husband at the head of the family; and until Sister Craig shall learn her place and duties as a wife, it will be best for him not to be connected with her in any way. The wife is to respect and obey; but if she utterly refuses to keep the marriage vow, she will be more and more the sport of Satan’s temptations; and if her husband consents to keep her by his side, to wear out his life, he will become discouraged and unfitted for the Lord’s service. He is under no obligation to keep one by his side who will only torture his soul. I was shown that he has already been losing his manhood, and has been influenced and molded by his wife. Their marriage was a snare of Satan. {Lt34-1890.}

...

If Sister Craig continues her present course, the time is not far distant when it will be impossible for her to break this power at will. Already Satan holds almost complete control of her will, her mind, and her judgment. No one through whom he works in such a manifest manner should be connected with God’s work. {Lt34-1890.}

There are but few men strong enough to resist, day after day, week after week, such a will as that of Sister Craig. She can create a scene whenever her will is crossed, or whenever the wicked one will play upon her, which is coming to be a common occurrence. But in this Brother Craig must let Satan rage, and not allow himself to be cut off from religious privileges because his wife desires it. If she runs away, let her go. Even if she threatens to take her own life, do not yield to her wicked demands. Even if she should carry out her threat, it would be better to look upon her silent in death than to allow her to murder not only her own soul but that of her husband, and be the means of destroying many others. {Lt34-1890.}

...

In the fear of God I would address a few words to the mother. Take to your own home the wayward child you have petted and indulged. I can never describe to you how offensive to God is your work in the formation in your child of a character that will ruin the life of a man whom God loves, whom God claims as His steward. You have made a great mistake in dealing with her, and you should be the one to carry the burden of her distorted character. All your neglected duty God has recorded in His book, and you must meet it again. Your daughter is an offense to God, for she is insulting Him by a course of action that, if continued, must ruin her own soul, and that tends to drag her husband down to her low level. Her influence tends to hinder the spiritual advancement of all with whom she comes in contact. {Lt34-1890.}

...

When the grace of Christ dwells in the heart it will make the manners gentle and subdued. There will be no deception, no pretense, no self-admiration, no reckless association with worldlings. There will be a far greater sense of pain at praise than at censure. The thought that Christ has died for sinners should be ever present, for it will have a tendency to subdue and expel every vestige of self-love, of self-seeking, of idolatry of self. On the part of every soul that loves God there will be earnest, continuous study of His word, and earnest prayer. Instead of being earthly and carnally minded, the trembling believer will turn to the Stronghold as a prisoner of hope. {Lt34-1890.}

I entreat you, my poor, weak, erring sister, to accept the strength that is waiting your demand upon it. Though you have felt the movings of the Spirit of God on your heart, you know nothing, as yet, of practical religion. The life of the soul, like that of the body, is affected to a great degree by the food which sustains it. The soul that finds in Christ and His matchless love the Head of life will have a sound, solid experience; but he who is satisfied with this world, its customs, its sayings, and its doings, will be worthless in this life, and will fail of gaining the future life. Your mind is almost wholly absorbed in those things that are of no value—those things that amuse the mind but give it no spiritual strength. Before Christ, who paid the redemption money for your soul, you show yourself unworthy to have your name retained in the book of life; for you set your heart upon earthly things and that earthly wisdom which is foolishness with God. {Lt34-1890.}

Will you, my sister, look well to your worthless life and not think it sufficient, when you do get a glance at it, to mourn over it and then forget all about it and go on doing worse than ever? Will you see the false gods at whose shrine you worship? “The prayer of the upright is his delight,” but the unstable shall not receive anything from the Lord. [Proverbs 15:8; James 1:6-8.] Will you, dear child, separate yourself from the world and cease to love its society? Bring Christ into all your associations; then the dark, sinful soul will have chapters of the love of Jesus open to its contemplation. When you partake of Christ, His goodness, His way, become yours; His will subdues your will. The words that come from your lips now you think to be smart; but, Oh, how painful they are to the heart that loves Jesus! If they were written out as you speak them you would see a medley of nonsense, of foolishness, of bitterness, wrath, envy, malice. Festivals, lectures, concerts, are the food you relish, with a little so-called religion mixed in as flavor. {Lt34-1890.}

 

Third Letter To Brother Craig

Craig, Brother (Lt8-1891)
Battle Creek, Michigan
February 4, 1891

...

A few nights since the case of your wife was again presented before me. Said my guide, “Unchanged in heart, unchanged in character; an agent through whom Satan will work with his deceptive wiles, to mar the work of God, to leave impressions upon the minds of both believers and unbelievers that will be unfavorable to the truth. Her influence, instead of winning to the truth, will militate against it. I have revealed my will; it is not safe to walk contrary to it.” Many things were spoken in regard to your danger. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 2}

While you were in Brooklyn, God revealed Himself to you in His matchless loveliness, that you might know that He loved you, and that your only hope was in abiding in Christ. You tasted of the Bread of Life, of the powers of the world to come. You could say, “Lord, evermore give us this bread” [John 6:34]; but I know from the light which the Lord has given me that you are in danger of feeding on husks and not on bread. Your only hope is in clinging to Jesus. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 3}

Real religion has its seat in the heart; and as it is an abiding principle there, it works outwardly, molding the external conduct, until the entire being is conformed to the image of Christ; even the thoughts are brought into subjection to the mind of Christ. If the abiding principle is not in the heart, the mind will be molded after the deceiving similitude of Satan’s mind, working his will, to the ruin of the soul. The atmosphere which surrounds such souls is deleterious to all around them, whether believers or unbelievers. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 4}

...

Few believe that humanity has sunk so low as it has, or that it is so thoroughly bad, so desperately opposed to God, as it is. “The carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.” [Romans 8:7.] When the mind is not under the direct influence of the Spirit of God, Satan can mold it as he chooses. All the rational powers which he controls he will carnalize. He is directly opposed to God in his tastes, views, preferences, likes and dislikes, choice of things and pursuits—there is no relish for what God loves or approves, but a delight in those things which He despises; therefore a course is maintained which is offensive to Him. This leads to controversy with those who are trying to walk in the way of the Lord. They will call light darkness, and darkness light; good evil, and evil good. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 6}

Sin affects the entire being; so also does grace. “If Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the spirit is life because of righteousness.” [Verse 10.] “If Christ be in you,” if His Holy Spirit is an abiding principle in the soul, it will be revealed by works of righteousness. The soul derives its nourishment from Christ, the same as the physical body is nourished by food; and thus it is strengthened, and finally comes to partake of the same divine nature. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 7}

If Christ is to us the Bread of Life we shall grow up into the full stature of men and women in Christ. “Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the son of man and drink his blood, ye have no life in you. Whoso eateth my flesh and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life: and I will raise him up at the last day; ... for my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him. As the living Father hath sent me, and I live by the Father; so he that eateth me, even he shall live by me.” [John 6:53-57.] Then Jesus explained His words, “It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.” [Verse 63.] {Lt 8, 1891, par. 8}

On another occasion Christ said, “By their fruits ye shall know them.” [Matthew 7:20.] Those who have true religion will display, even amid poverty and trial and temptation, the same spirit of goodness, of love, of true excellence of character that was in Christ, and they will adorn the doctrine of Christ, constantly revealing its heavenly origin and its excellency to all with whom they associate. Those who call the Master, Lord, Lord, but will not do what He says, give evidence that Christ is not abiding in the soul. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 9}

...

Bro. Craig, your wife is not a Christian, and does not mean to be. She will labor incessantly, anxiously, and with determination to secure her purpose which is to bring your soul under her influence. She is filled with vanity and self-admiration. To dictate, to control, to sway all connected with her is her aim, and she has too often succeeded. This element, which is so strong in her nature, should have no place in the mission, for it is demoralizing. Those who first make her acquaintance will be deceived, unless they have clear, spiritual eyesight, and will receive false impressions of those in whom they should have confidence. Further acquaintance will reveal to them the defects of her character; but this costs too much, for it imperils souls. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 10}

...

Certainly one thing must be done: your wife must leave the mission, even if you have to go with her. There is too much at stake to admit of her remaining there. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 12}

As I have a love for your soul, I appeal to you to cling to Jesus, hold fast to Jesus! You must be created anew in Christ unto good works. Thus Christ will be in you, and by faith you will abide in Him. If Christ is abiding in the heart, He will be in all our thoughts. Our deepest thoughts will be of Him, His love, His purity. He will fill all the chambers of the mind. Our affections will center about Jesus. All our hopes and expectations will be associated with Him. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 13}

To live the life we now live, by faith in the Son of God, looking forward to and loving His appearing, will be the soul’s highest joy. He will be the crown of our rejoicing. Our hearts will repose in His love. He that hath the Son hath life—eternal life. We shall not have any half-way, undecided, indefinite experience. We live through the daily operation of the Spirit of Jesus, which quickens, revives, and strengthens, and supports the soul. We have life because of Christ’s righteousness. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 14}

As death was pronounced upon us because of Adam’s sin, so life is imparted because of Christ’s righteousness, and we live by faith in the Son of God. Christ is made sin for us, that we may be made the righteousness of God in Him. We are, with Christ partakers of the divine nature, eating His flesh, and drinking His blood; and all such have the promise of eternal life. “He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live; and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die,”—never become extinct. [John 11:25, 26.] {Lt 8, 1891, par. 15}

Now, my brother, I present before you the promises of an infinite Saviour. I [have] never regarded you in greater peril than now. Shall hell triumph, or shall Christ be victor? {Lt 8, 1891, par. 16}

...

The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, God values above gold, silver, or precious stones. But the spirit daily exhibited by your wife is contemptible in His sight. May the Lord let this poor deluded woman see herself as she is in His sight, is my prayer; then I pray that Jesus may reveal Himself to her as One that can pardon and save. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 18}

Now will Bro. Craig choose God’s way, or will he choose to go with his wife at all hazards? If so, there is but one thing to do, he must be separated from the work of God; for he will, through her influence, be unfitted for the work of God. May the Lord help him in this crisis. {Lt 8, 1891, par. 19}