Let No One Despise Your Youth
1 Timothy 4:12 (NKJV) 12 "Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."
Introduction
Ellen White gave clear instruction to parents on how to raise the teens and young adults in their families. In one of her more pointed statements she declared:
"God has opened to me what stands in the way of the conversion of youth and children—their parents do not treat them aright. There is too much indulgence and too much passion." {9MR 63.2}
What does too much indulgence and passion mean exactly? The detrimental effects of passionately punishing is addressed in the section on the discipline of children. Apparently the dangers of disciplining inappropriately continue as young people grow older. Indulgence is also mentioned, and takes on new meaning when children become teens and young adults.
This page will consider relating to teens and young adults. Because much was written regarding teens and young adults in school settings, some of the admonitions will come from those communications.
Youth and Young Adult Page Directory
Working With Youth and Young Adults
Nurturing Youth and Young Adults
Developing Character in Youth and Young Adults
Working With Rebellious Youth and Young Adults
Redemptive Reading For Youth and Young Adults
Working With Young Adults
Less Sermonizing And More Labor
"A greater work than has ever been done must be done for the young. They must be won with sympathy and love; all barriers must be broken down between them and those who would help them. The most good is not accomplished by long speeches and many words of exhortation or reproof. The greatest tact must be manifested, for human minds must be dealt with carefully, and the Lord will work with those who are fully consecrated to his service. Jesus is drawing the youth, and we must all work with him, putting no forbidding aspects upon our holy religion. We must partake of the divine nature ourselves, and then present Christ to others as the friend of sinners in such a way as to attract souls to leave the ranks of the evil one, and no longer work as agents to destroy souls. We must seek to press the youth with all their fresh vigor and ability, into the ranks of Christ, enlisting them as valiant soldiers in the great fight for truth. We have sadly neglected our duty toward the young, for we have not gathered them in, and induced them to put out their talents to the exchangers. A different mold should be placed upon the work. There should be less sermonizing and more personal labor. Fresh manna must be gathered from the word of God, and every man have his portion in due season. A great work can be done by dropping a word privately to your young friends, and to those you meet in your daily walks." {RH September 2, 1890, par. 3} ... A special work must be done for the children. Do not neglect the lambs of the flock. Christ said to Peter, “Feed my sheep,” and again he said, “Feed my lambs.” The best results would follow proper labor for the youth. Souls have gone to ruin that might have been saved if they had been labored for with perseverance and love. There must be a constant effort put forth both by precept and example, to save our children. Do not think that scolding will bring them to the fold of Christ. The youth are to be won by love. Be interested in them, speak with them, pray with and for them. Do not be found speaking light and trifling words, jesting and joking, but let all your conversation give a holy evidence that you possess genuine piety. Those in whose hearts Christ abides by faith, know how to speak a word in season, they know how to pray with the sinner, they know how to present the truth as it is in Jesus. The lessons must be given in such a manner that Christ may receive all the praise. All that we have, all that we are, all that we can do, is God’s; it belongs to him; therefore when we give the best, and all there is of us, it is only that which belongs to God. {RH September 2, 1890, par. 5}
Encourage Self-Denial
"If we desire to engage the hearts of the youth in the cause and work of God, we must teach them to sacrifice for it. That which costs little we have no special interest in; but that in which we have invested our means will claim our interest and attention, and we shall labor to make it a success. {RH December 14, 1886, par. 12}
Nurture Young Adults
Teens and Young Adults want to be appreciated and respected. Do you want to touch their hearts, try loving them. This page looks at how we can nurture the young people among us.
Developing Character In Young Adults
The following paragraphs comes from a letter written to teachers on how to discipline students. Within the letter is timely counsel for parents. Find this letter and other related resources on this page on disciplining young people:
"You need not be afraid of manifesting weakness of character in being too merciful. I will risk every one of you that you will not be too merciful, too compassionate, or too sympathetic for the erring. What we want is the Spirit of Christ interwoven into our everyday experience. You want it when you rise in the morning, you want it at noon, and you want it at night. You want it continually, so that it shall be an abiding principle, as with Daniel, the abiding principle of fearing God, let the consequence be what it may." – {9MR 55.4}
"God has opened to me what stands in the way of the conversion of youth and children—their parents do not treat them aright. There is too much indulgence and too much passion." {9MR 63.2}"
Counsel to Youth and Young Adults
Walk In The Light
In this article first published in the Youth's Instructor, Mrs. White appeals to young people to surrender their lives to Jesus. She also points out that even the most perfect parenting may sometimes be insufficient to bring about the desired results. Notice the following excerpt:
"What a grief it is to see children of God-fearing parents, unruly and disobedient, unthankful and self-willed, full of determination to have their own way, irregardless of the inconvenience or sorrow it causes their parents. Satan takes delight in ruling the hearts of children, and if he is permitted, he will inspire them with his own hateful spirit. Parents may do everything in their power to give their children every privilege and instruction, in order that they may give their hearts to God; yet the children may refuse to walk in the light, and, by their evil course, cast unfavorable reflections upon their parents who love them, and whose hearts yearn after their salvation." {YI August 10, 1893, par. 2}
Soldiers For Christ
"The question is often asked, How can I resist Satan? There is only one way by which you can do this, and that is by faith, taking Christ as your helper, and pleading with him for strength. When Satan suggests doubt to your soul, when he tells you that you are too unworthy, too sinful, to realize the blessing of God, present Christ before him as your Advocate and Saviour. Tell him you know that you are a sinner, but that Jesus came to seek and save that which was lost. He came “not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” (Read all of this helpful article on resisting Satan.)
Working With Rebellious Youth and Young Adults
Home Discipline And The Rebellious Child
The following quote comes from a sobering article on working with teens and young adults, and provides answers to some of the vexing questions that come when total rebellion is going on.
"Some indulgent, ease-loving parents fear to exercise wholesome authority over their unruly sons, lest they run away from home. It would be better for some to do this than to remain at home to live upon the bounties provided by the parents, and at the same time trample upon all authority, both human and divine. It might be a most profitable experience for such children to have to the full that independence which they think so desirable, to learn that it costs exertion to live. Let the parent say to the boy who threatens to run away from home, “My son, if you are determined to leave home rather than comply with just and proper rules, we will not hinder you. If you think to find the world more friendly than the parents who have cared for you from infancy, you must learn your mistake for yourself. When you wish to come to your father’s house, to be subject to his authority, you will be welcome. Obligations are mutual. While you have food and clothing and parental care, you are in return under obligation to submit to home rules and wholesome discipline. My house cannot be polluted with the stench of tobacco, with profanity or drunkenness. I desire that angels of God shall come into my home. If you are fully determined to serve Satan, you will be as well off with those whose society you love, as you will be at home.” – {RH June 13, 1882 Par. 16} (Read all of this sobering article on working with rebellious children.)
Restraining Rebellious Rodney
"To tolerate language of disrespect and blasphemy, to continue to bestow favors on one who has no sense of appreciation, is aggravating the evil, making it more sure that God will take the punishment in His own hands. As those who have acted as this boy’s parents are not capable of restraining him, I am instructed that the best thing for them to do from henceforth is to let him know what it means to earn his own livelihood." (Read all of the letter regarding the spiritually-strangling effect of a rebellious young man who had been taking into a believer's home.)
Education Of Youth
Proper Education Of Youth - EGW
This is an exceedingly helpful article on the proper education of youth. Following is a short portion of it.
"The youth must be impressed with the idea that they are trusted. They have a sense of honor, and they want to be respected, and it is their right. If pupils receive the impression that they cannot go out or come in, sit at the table, or be anywhere, even in their rooms, except they are watched, a critical eye is upon them, to criticise and report, it will have the influence to demoralize, and pastime will have no pleasure in it. This knowledge of a continual oversight is more than a parental guardianship, and far worse;" Read the rest of the Proper Education of Youth.
Other Quotes On Working With Young Adults
Believe In Them
"We live in a hard, unfeeling, uncharitable world. Satan and his confederacy is plying his every art to seduce the souls for whom Christ has given His precious life. Every one who loves God in sincerity and truth will love the souls for whom Christ has died. If we wish to do good to souls, our success with these souls will be in proportion to their belief of our belief and appreciation of them. Respect shown to the struggling human soul is the sure means through Christ Jesus of the restoration of the self-respect the man has lost. Our advancing ideas of what he may become is a help we cannot ourselves fully appreciate. We have need of the rich grace of God every hour, then we will have a rich practical experience, for God is love. He that dwelleth in love, dwelleth in God. Give love to them that need it most, the most unfortunate, those who have the most disagreeable temperaments need our love, our tenderness, our compassion; those who try our patience most need love. We pass through the world only once; any good thing we can do, we should do most earnestly, untiringly, with the same spirit as is stated of Christ in His work. He will not fail nor be discouraged. The rough, stubborn, sullen dispositions are the ones who need help the most. How can they be helped? Only by that love practiced in dealing with them as Christ revealed to fallen man. Treat them, you say, as they deserve. What if Christ had treated us thus. He the undeserving was treated as we deserve. Still we are treated by Christ with grace and love as we did not deserve, but as He deserved. Treat some characters as they, you think, richly deserve, and you will cut off from them the last thread of hope, spoil your influence, and ruin the soul. Will it pay? Now I say, No, a hundred times no. Bind these souls who need all the help it is possible for you to give them close to a loving, sympathizing, pitying heart over-flowing with Christlike love, and you will save a soul from death and hide a multitude of sins. Had we not better try the love process?" {Lt50-1893.12}
Love Them
"Do not be afraid to let them know that you love them. If the love is in the heart, give it expression, do not smother it. When they gather about the table to partake of God’s precious bounties, make this a season of cheerfulness. Do not make it a season of grave decorum as though they were standing about a coffin, but have it a social season where every countenance is full of joy and happiness, where naught but cheerful words are spoken. And the youth should not feel that they are under an eye that is watching them, ready to reprove and condemn. Approve whenever you can; smile whenever you can; do not arrange your countenance as though a smile would bring the condemnation of heaven. Heaven is all smiles and gladness and gratitude. I wish we all knew more about heaven and would bring its pure, healthful, holy, influence into our lives, for then we would bring sweet joy into many a life that needs it." {Lt19-1886.20}
Youth Are Won By Love
"A special work must be done for the children. Do not neglect the lambs of the flock. Christ said to Peter, “Feed my sheep,” and again he said, “Feed my lambs.” The best results would follow proper labor for the youth. Souls have gone to ruin that might have been saved if they had been labored for with perseverance and love. There must be a constant effort put forth both by precept and example, to save our children. Do not think that scolding will bring them to the fold of Christ. The youth are to be won by love. Be interested in them, speak with them, pray with and for them. Do not be found speaking light and trifling words, jesting and joking, but let all your conversation give a holy evidence that you possess genuine piety. Those in whose hearts Christ abides by faith, know how to speak a word in season, they know how to pray with the sinner, they know how to present the truth as it is in Jesus. The lessons must be given in such a manner that Christ may receive all the praise. All that we have, all that we are, all that we can do, is God’s; it belongs to him; therefore when we give the best, and all there is of us, it is only that which belongs to God." {RH September 2, 1890, par. 5}
Trust Them
The youth must be impressed with the idea that they are trusted. They have a sense of honor, and they want to be respected, and it is their right. If pupils receive the impression that they cannot go out or come in, sit at the table, or be anywhere, even in their rooms, except they are watched, a critical eye is upon them, to criticise and report, it will have the influence to demoralize, and pastime will have no pleasure in it. This knowledge of a continual oversight is more than a parental guardianship, and far worse; for wise parents can, through tact, often discern beneath the surface and see the working of the restless mind under the longings of youth, or under the force of temptations, and set their plans to work to counteract evils. But this constant watchfulness is not natural, and produces evils that it is seeking to avoid. The healthfulness of youth requires exercise, cheerfulness, and a happy, pleasant atmosphere surrounding them, for the development of physical health and symmetrical character. {RH June 21, 1887, par. 4} God’s word must be opened to the youth, but a youth should not be placed in the position to do this. Those who must have an eye upon them constantly to insure their good behavior, will require to be watched in any position where they may be. Therefore the mold given the character in youth by such a system of training, is wholly deleterious." {RH June 21, 1887, par. 5}
Make Religious Services Positively Attractive
Morning and evening service in the chapel, and the Sabbath meetings, may be, without constant care and unless vitalized by the Spirit of God, the most formal, dry, and bitter mixture, and to the youth the most burdensome and the least pleasant and attractive of all the school exercises. The social meetings should be managed with plans and devices to make them not only seasons of pleasantness, but positively attractive. {RH June 21, 1887, par. 6}
Silence Will Do More Than All The Words Uttered
Jesus loves the children and youth. When they lose self-control and speak words that are passionate, an attitude of silence is often the best course to pursue, not taking up a line of reproof or argument or condemnation. Repentance will come very soon. The silence that is golden will often do more than all the words that can be uttered. Satan is only too well pleased to harass and destroy the souls of the young; therefore persons should be connected with these who have wisdom to deal with tempted human minds. The words of Jesus to Peter are appropriate, “Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat; but I have prayed for thee that thy faith fail not.” [Luke 22:31, 32.] {Ms 59, 1900, par. 49}
Recommended Books For Young Adults
On this page you will find recommended books in digital format that are sure to please and inspire the young adults in your life.