Home Duties Of The Father Part 1

An Excerpt

Signs of the Times, December 6, 1877

Mrs. E. G. White

Introduction

In this article Ellen White mentions the use of alcohol and tobacco. Ellen White was very active in the temperance movement and accordingly discouraged the use of these substances. Because the Health Reformer was read by individuals of multiple denominations, statements about the deleterious effects of these substances on a parents ability to properly work with their children are included.—Dan

Duties And Responsibilities Of The Husband And Father

While we have dwelt upon the importance of the mother’s work and mission, we would not lightly pass over the duty and responsibility of the husband and father in the training of his children. His efforts should be in harmony with those of the God-fearing mother. He should manifest his love and respect for her as the woman he has chosen and the mother of his children. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 1}

Many husbands do not sufficiently understand and appreciate the cares and perplexities which their wives endure, generally confined all day to an unceasing round of household duties. They frequently come to their homes with clouded brows, bringing no sunshine to the family circle. If the meals are not on time, the tired wife, who is frequently housekeeper, nurse, cook, and housemaid, all in one, is greeted with fault-finding. The exacting husband may condescend to take the worrying child from the weary arms of its mother that her arrangements for the family meal may be hastened; but if the child is restless, and frets in the arms of its father, he will seldom feel it his duty to act the nurse, and seek to quiet and soothe it. He does not pause to consider how many hours the mother has endured the little one’s fretfulness, but calls out impatiently, “Here, mother, take your child.” It is not his child as well as hers? Is he not under a natural obligation to patiently bear his part of the burden of rearing his children? – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 2}

In most families there are children of various ages, some of whom need not only the attention and wise discipline of the mother, but also the sterner, yet affectionate, influence of the father. Few fathers consider this matter in its due importance. They fall into neglect of their own duty, and thus heap grievous burdens upon the mother, at the same time feeling at liberty to criticise and condemn her actions according to their judgment. Under this heavy sense of responsibility and censure, the poor wife and mother often feels guilty and remorseful for that which she has done innocently or ignorantly, and frequently when she has done the very best thing possible under the circumstances. Yet when her wearisome efforts should be appreciated and approved, and her heart made glad, she is obliged to walk under a cloud of sorrow and condemnation, because her husband, while ignoring his own duty, expects her to fulfill both her own and his to his satisfaction, regardless of preventing circumstances. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 3}

He feels that his wife belongs to him, and is subject to his order and dictation, and liable to fall under his disapprobation. Who gives him this right of dictation and condemnation? Does the law of God, which commands him to love God with all his heart and his neighbor as himself? Does he find it among the injunctions of the apostles, who exhort: “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them”? No, there is no moral or religious defense for such an unjust authority. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 4}

Domestic duties are sacred and important, yet they are often attended by a weary monotony. The countless cares and perplexities become irritating, without the variety of change and cheerful relaxation, which the husband and father frequently has it in his power to grant her if he chose, or rather if he thought it necessary or desirable to do so. The life of a mother in the humbler walks of life is one of unceasing self-sacrifice, made harder if the husband fails to appreciate the difficulties of her position, and to give her his support. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 5}

But to return to the father who has so unconcernedly resigned the fretful child to its mother. How is his time employed while she is doing the double duty of preparing the meal and quieting the child? Frequently he may be seen, his feet elevated to a level with his head, reading a newspaper and smoking a cigar. Tobacco, then, is his solace. There are his children, of various ages, and of restless, nervous temperament, transmitted to them by the tobacco or liquor-using father. But, after giving those children their stamp of character by his own morbid appetite and selfish indulgence, he shirks the responsibility of training them, and of correcting the faults which they have received as a legacy from him. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 6}

Fathers should unbend from their false dignity, deny themselves, some slight self-gratification in time and leisure, in order to mingle with the children, sympathizing with them in their little troubles, binding them to their hearts by the strong bonds of love, and establishing such an influence over their expanding minds that their counsel will be regarded as sacred. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 7}

The average father wastes many golden opportunities to attract and bind his children to him. Upon returning home from his business he should find it a pleasant change to spend some time with his children. He may take them into the garden, and show them the opening buds, and the varied tints of the blooming flowers. Through such mediums he may give them the most important lessons concerning the Creator, by opening before them the great book of nature, where the love of God is expressed in every tree, and flower, and blade of grass. He may impress upon their minds the fact that if God cares so much for the trees and flowers, he will care much more for the creatures formed in his image. He may lead them early to understand that God wants children to be lovely, not with artificial adornment, but with beauty of character, the charms of kindness and affection, which will make their hearts bound with joy and happiness. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 8}

Help Your Children Connect To God By Encouraging Them To Love Nature

Parents may do much to connect their children with God by encouraging them to love the things of nature which he has given them, and to recognize the hand of the Giver in all they receive. The soil of the heart may thus early be prepared for casting in the precious seeds of truth, which in due time will spring up and bear a rich harvest. Fathers, the golden hours which you might spend in getting a thorough knowledge of the temperament and character of your children, and the best method of dealing with their young minds, are too precious to be squandered in the pernicious habit of smoking, or in lounging about the dram-shop. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 9}

The indulgence of this poisonous stimulant disqualifies the father to bring up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The directions given by God to the children of Israel were that the fathers should teach their children the statutes and precepts of his law, when they rose up, and when they sat down, when they went out, and when they came in. – {ST December 6, 1877 Par. 10}

Mrs. E. G. White. This excerpt was originally published in the Health Reformer.